Hi everyone and welcome to my first blog. My name is Veronica, live in Liverpool, Sydney Australia and I am 27 year old. As you can guess the purpose of this blog is to talk about transitioning from male to female. I started my hormones this Monday (27th September) and I am doing well at the moment.
I would like to give a description of myself. I have been thinking about this moment for many, many years, every since I started cross dressing at around 7/8 years old. It was at this age that I started trying on and cross dressing with my sister (who is two years younger). I would remember always looking forward to wearing my sister clothes and makeup, and taking on a female role.
This lasted for about a year or so, but I continued without no one knowing, because it felt right and natural. I would try on my sisters clothes and try on mums makeup when they weren't at home. This would continue for many many years.
It was at this age where I played with my sister toys and my toy cars/planes, but this play (boy toys) was only short term.
I remember when I was at primary school (1988-1994) I was teased a lot because I hated the latest boy toys/shows (such as Ninja Turtles and Power Ranges). I had no interest in them and I hated the story's it had.
As I entered high school (1995-2000), confusing set in, especially towards the later half of high school. I continued to cross dress and I started to get feelings of wanting to be one of the girls and I was jealous of them. I wanted to wear what they were wearing and I wanted to look like them as well. This caused great stress. I got along with all the girls in the school, which caused the stress to be even greater.
But what made things worse as the rest of the boys were thinking about other things, I wasn't and I was teased because of this. I was teased because I wasn't interested in porn/sex and I felt that woman should be respected and shouldn't be treated like this. I felt there pain as I wanted to be like them.
But as I got into my twenties, these feelings got stronger and stronger. I was living on pain and I couldn't talk to anyone. There would be times when I would have a small cry when I would see a woman in the street or on TV. I wanted to be like them and I know I wasn't a woman at the moment.
During my late teens and early twenties the pain was still there and I continued to cross dress. I studied for 2 years (01-02) and found work, but it I was still living with this desire to become a woman.
It was in my mid twenties that I finally did something about these feelings and conducted some research. It was here that I knew I had gender issues and I knew reading from various websites that I was TG. It was also during this time I become jealous of TG/TS woman and I was 95% sure this was who I was.
So after two years of work (03-05) I went up to the Gold Coast on my own and I experienced a day as a woman (see http://www.truecrossing.com/testimonials.htm). It was something that I needed to do, because I still had some confusion, but what an experience I will never forgot it and I know from that moment on, I was a woman.
After coming home, I told mum (who I still live with then and now) and it was decided that I should seek counseling. Mum at this stage though it was a disease and I had mental problems, especially since I had a bad and alcoholic father.
It was at this stage that I was about to start a three year uni (university) degree. Over the three years, while uni work was a great distraction, but in those quiet moments, all I would think about was becoming a woman and being jealous of them. I also continued my research during this period as well. I still continued to keep this hidden.
On completion, I found work and was made redundant after 4 months (April 09). From this moment on, life has been a nightmare, but I have found happiness doing ZUMBA and dance and the local gym. Trying to find work and thinking about my upcoming gender transition was stressful and caused me great depression and anxiety. I have since mid this year been voluntary at the Cancer Council NSW, after helping out at the local Relay for Life event. It was during this event that I told the organiser and now my supervisor about my gender stuff and she has been very supportive. At this event, there was a CD event and she realised that this is who I am.
It was from Jan 09 that I started (and I still continue) to see my psychologist. As with my counselling I go and get dressed every time I make a visit there.
Recently I have come out told a number of female friends, who have all been very supportive (gym instructor, old uni friend) and I hope to tell more soon.
Overall, I am very happy now that I have started hormones and hope to start living FT within the next few months, and I hope my friends will be with me during this very important stage of my life.
In terms of my family, my sister doesn't know fully, but mum is coming around. She is starting to accept it, but I know she is still scared about hat the future holds, and I will be patient as she could take some time to come around.
I hope you enjoyed reading my first blog and I hope you can continue to reading it. Below is my video blog as seen on YouTube.
Love Veronica
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1ppWQQh8Fc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPog__hYTkA&feature=related
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